


The Weight of 'Wow'

by gerardsjuarez



Category: Blink-182
Genre: Coming Out, Fluff, House Party, M/M, Mutual Pining, Original Character(s), Touring, tomark - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:28:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27753850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gerardsjuarez/pseuds/gerardsjuarez
Summary: This must’ve been how Tom felt when he came out to the band, “I just wanted to see if I - if I liked it.”“Did - did you?”Mark rubbed his cheek, embarrassed, “Yeah.”“Oh.” He looked out toward the rain, “Wow.”
Relationships: Tom DeLonge/Mark Hoppus
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	The Weight of 'Wow'

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gotrigboy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gotrigboy/gifts).



> this goes out to grace who got me into this mess. first ever tomark fic, please be nice i'm a pisces

“I think... maybe perhaps I like dudes.”

When Tom had sat Mark and Travis down in the hotel room to tell them something, he was expecting something on the lines of ‘I have a song idea’. Not this. Definitely not this.

“Oh?” Travis stuttered out like he hadn’t meant to but it had already come out.

Heh. Just like Tom.

“I mean I do. I like dudes. And chicks.” He added as an afterthought, “Bisexual, I think is the word for it.”

There was a long pause. Mark was sort of looking above Tom’s head, not directly at him. He’d never really had someone come out to him like this before. He’d had tour staff tell him in passing about partners or even a few roadies say ‘hey, my name’s Tiffany now’ but never a full-blown, sit down, let’s talk kind of deal. He’d never thought of it as being that big of a thing but then again, this was Tom they were talking about. Everything was big to him no matter what the notch on the ruler said.

“Say something, guys.” He laughed nervously, “Freaking me out.”

“Alright.” Travis sat up on the couch and moved forward to rest his elbows on his knees, serious, “You know we’ll support you.”

Tom shot a look to Mark who nearly forgot he was supposed to be present for the meeting, “Jesus, Tom, yeah. We includes me.”

“Okay.” He sighed.

“What, um, does this mean? Then? Or did you just wanna tell us?” Mark asked.

“Mostly just wanted to get it off my chest.” Tom’s smile looked nearly timid, “I’m glad you’re taking this well.”

He didn’t know he was laughing until it was too late. “You did not just say that - dude, do you even know us?”

“I started getting paranoid!” He raised his voice, not mad, not yet, “This is a big deal, Mark.”

“What’s big about it?” He asked, “You’re still you. We’re still gonna treat you like you.”

“Well, I - I don’t know what I expected, okay? I’ve had people react poorly before this was just - I’m just glad.” Tom huffed, “Can I not be glad?”

“You can be glad, Tom,” Mark said quietly.

“Wait, people have reacted poorly?” Travis sent a look to Mark before going back to Tom.

He shrugged, “Doesn’t matter how old you are, parents tend to think things are phases.”

“Shit.” 

“Shit,” Mark echoed, “I’m sorry, man.”

“Look, it’s whatever. They’ll come around. For now, I’m just glad you guys got me.” He gestured outward to them, honestly looking relieved.

Mark mulled it over in his head for a second before thinking, fuck it, “Is it cool if I give you a hug? You look pathetic standing there.”

Tom laughed and rolled his eyes but opened his arms all the same and Mark hugged him tightly. He went to pull away but Mark held on tighter just to be a jerk. It made Tom chuckle and whisper ‘thanks, man’ so he called it a win. Travis hugged him, too, whispering something to him that made Tom’s expression turn into something resembling melancholy, squeezing Travis’s shoulder when he pulled away.

Tom looked between the two, “We good?” 

“We’re good.” He smiled.

“Cool because I’m getting a little emotional and don’t like it. Anyone want something from the lobby while I’m out?” He shoved his hands in his pockets.

“A donut if they have any left,” Mark said.

...

Everything went pretty smoothly after that, no real problems or issues or even a brief mention of their conversation in the hotel until Mark opened the wrong dressing room door and found Tom and some dude making out.

“Oh my god!” He said and went to back out.

“Mark!” Tom said, surprised but not exactly angry. He had a lopsided smile on his face, “I, um.”

“It’s cool.” The guy said and stood up. He looked significantly younger than both of them. At least by 7 years for Tom anyway, “I was just leaving.”

When he closed the door behind him, Mark started to apologize, “Tom, I didn’t-“

“Dude,” he laughed, “you’re fine. Just... just a staff member that caught my attention.”

“So it wasn’t like...?” He didn’t know how he was gonna finish that sentence but Tom seemed to understand nonetheless. It was one of the great things about their relationship.

“No, it wasn’t. Would’ve told someone or put a sock on the door if it was.” He joked and Mark finally cracked a smile.

“Right, yeah, like always.” He sighed, heart still beating fast from the shock of it all, “Sorry, again.”

“You’re fine, Jesus, Mark.” He laughed through his nose and ran a hand over his face, standing up, “It’s okay. I’m still getting used to it, too. That’s why I, uh.”

Mark watched him gesture to the couch.

“You’re still getting used to your sexuality?” He asked before he could stop himself, “Fuck. Was that offensive?”

“No. You can ask me questions, I won’t get mad.” Tom shrugged, “And sorta? Like I’m really confident in the fact that I know I like dudes but I’m still nervous about actually being with them. It’s like figuring out girls have boobs for the first time.”

That made Mark snort, “I think I get it.”

“Yeah.” He made a weird motion toward the door, “So that’s why I was kissing the staff.”

They shared a chuckle and since Tom said he could ask anything, he said, “Is that the first guy since you came out to us?”

“Uh, he wasn’t. It was a similar situation like that. I’m trying not to be too careless, though. Who knows if someone will speak to the press.” He scratched his head, “Which sucks but that’s life.”

“I didn’t even think about that.” Mark said, “Our wingman dynamic still stands, I hope you know. If someone catches your eye... lemme know.”

“Thanks. Good to know.” He looked around the room and nodded once, “What did you come in here for?”

“Oh! Right,” Mark snagged his wallet off of the table, “I was gonna rob a vending machine of its Fritos. Want some?”

“Yeah, that’d be cool.” He followed Mark out of the room.

Mark was tired of how fucking upset he looked, though, and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, walking down the brightly lit corridor to where he vaguely remembered a vending machine was. And since they couldn’t _not_ be fucking annoying, they ended up arm in arm skipping down the hallway. 

When Mark finally found the machine, he tried to hide his smile when Tom said, “Oh, fuck yeah! Oreos!”

...

“Mark! Check this out - they have _Russian_ _punk_! How cool is that?” Tom held up a CD with some bright red lettering that was most certainly in Russian.

“That’s so weird.” Mark said, leafing through some 75 cent vinyl, “So far all I’m seeing is slightly melted Bonnie Tyler records.”

“If you see one with Total Eclipse of the Heart on it, snag it. My mom’s been looking for one.”

“Yeah, your mom.” He teased and when he looked up, Tom was glaring back playfully.

After a bit, he came over with an armful of CDs, using his free hand to flip through the cheap records. It got to the point where they were nearly bumping shoulders. Tom kept almost dropping the cases he was holding and Mark was just about to offer to help him when he actually found the record with Total Eclipse of the Heart on it.

“Dude,” he beamed, taking the record from Mark, “oh, man. Mom’s gonna love you forever.”

“Your mom already does. I have that effect on older women.” Mark said, smiling back at him.

Tom bumped him, “You’re an ass.”

The stack wobbled and Mark put his hand against it to keep it steady, slowly taking the record back from him so he had both hands to carry the CDs.

“I retract my statement.” He said afterward, “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it, babe.” He put his hand on the small of Tom’s back, leading him to the guy at the register who’d been watching them with mild interest the whole time they were there.

Later that night, after the concert and long after Travis had gone to bed, Mark snagged his Discman and a pair of earbuds and laid on the hotel floor with Tom. They’d been switching out CDs once they listened to their favorite songs or just got bored of them for a while. He didn’t know what time it was or where exactly they were or what the name of the hotel was but he was pretty content nonetheless. He was tired but not tired enough to sleep. He was comfortable staring at the weird blue ceiling of the only smoking room in the damn building. He’d forgotten what CD they put in and picked up the case. My Bloody Valentine. Right.

He yawned and looked over to see that Tom had fully passed out on him. Or he was a great actor because when Mark poked him, he didn’t budge. 

“Tom,” he whispered.

No response.

The CD finished and the hotel room suddenly got a lot quieter than he remembered it being before. Tom was in a deep ass sleep, taking these big, long breaths while the tips of his fingers twitched every so often. He slept like a dog. He was turned over on his side facing Mark and Mark was on his back. He looked at the ceiling, thinking about what to do, and then looked back to Tom.

“Hey, man.” He nudged him, “Gotta wake up.”

That elicited a response, “Mmm.”

“You can’t sleep on the floor,” Mark explained to him.

“Shh.” Tom shushed him and grabbed his arm, pulling him closer, “Fuck off.”

He chuckled lowly, “How can I fuck off if you’ve got ahold of me?” 

“Just - just shh.” 

“Tom.”

“ _No_.” He grumbled.

Jesus, he was more tired than he thought.

“Dude, if you wanna cuddle can we not do it on the fucking floor? My back hurts.” He said honestly. 

Truth be told, even though his back did hurt, he just knew that if Tom didn’t sleep on something resembling a bed, he’d complain about something hurting for the rest of the tour. And probably blame it Mark for it no doubt.

“Fine.” He huffed and used Mark as a stepping stool to get up, shoving his pointy elbow into Mark’s gut.

“ _Fuck_ , Tom.” He groaned and got up once he recovered.

He planned on taking a shower and falling asleep while reading this catalog of bass guitars he bought at a rest stop but when he started gathering his stuff, Tom made a disapproving noise.

The fucker had a fucking _frown_ on his face, “What are you doing?”

“I was, um.” He gestured to the door, “Wait, did you think I was serious?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged and flopped back down on the bed, “You sounded serious.”

“I was - it was a joke, Tom.” Mark looked at the Discman in his hands.

“Oh. Right. Sorry.” 

Mark sighed, looking up at the ceiling. He wasn’t blaming God per se but he was thinking about it. 

“I guess-“ he blurted, “I need to shower. I’ll go shower and then I’ll come back. Promise.”

Tom gave him a weak thumbs up and rolled onto his side. Well. That just happened. He walked out of the room and stood outside the closed door for a bit. He only left when a hotel staff member walked down the hallway and gave him a weird look. He walked across the hall to his room and stripped in the small ass foyer that doubled as a walk-in closet with how everything was positioned. 

In the shower, his mind was a mess. They’d totally been close before, that wasn’t the issue. Was it homophobic to think things were different now that Tom had come out to him? God, probably. But then again, Tom had literally given him a kiss on the cheek as a joke recently and Mark hadn’t thought of it as anything more than what Tom meant it as - a joke. Maybe it was him.

He shut the water off and snagged a sandpaper textured bath towel from the rack. He threw on a pair of gym shorts and a t-shirt and stared at his wet hair in the mirror, figuring Tom didn’t care if he got the pillows damp.

The room was so quiet when he came back that he thought Tom had fallen asleep but when he sat on the edge of the bed, trying not to wake him up, he rolled over and smiled at him.

“You’re clean.”

Mark rolled his eyes, “You’re so fucking weird.”

Why the fuck had he been so pressed? Tom was always Tom regardless of how Mark felt about him.

Wait.

He pulled back the covers for Mark, “This is weird, isn’t it?”

“No.” He said automatically and crawled under the covers to prove his point, “We’ve done far worse alone.”

“Okay, yeah. That’s true.”

Mark had a feeling they were both thinking of that memory from when Tom was still in high school where he spent the night at Mark’s house and caught him jerking off in his closet. Apparently, his sister had locked up the bathroom and Tom had a sexy dream about Sigourney Weaver - Mark hadn’t really thought much of it after it initially happened.

“Remember when I jacked it in your closet?” Tom asked, voice muffled. They were sort of cuddling but not really. Tom had his face pressed close to Mark’s shoulder, the blankets up to his ears, “God, I was so fucked up in high school.”

“The worst part was I understood and left the room.” Mark chuckled.

“Yeah, didn’t you make popcorn?” He looked up.

“Oh my God - yeah I did. Totally forgot.” He said more at the ceiling than to Tom.

“It was good popcorn.” Tom yawned and stretched, his arm stopping to hover warily over Mark, “Uh.”

He’d just about had it with the ‘I like dudes now and I don’t know how my best friend will react to doing things we used to do all the time’ thing. And don’t even get him started on the newfound ‘something is different between us but I don’t exactly know what’ thing Mark was figuring out. So to solve both issues, he turned onto his side, grabbed Tom almost aggressively, and pulled him close. He rested his chin on top of Tom’s head and sighed.

“Sorry,” Tom said, moving to get comfortable.

“You’re fine.”

“No, I mean...” He huffed, “with everything, I don’t know what’s okay anymore.”

Mark hummed, “I had a feeling. To be honest, I don’t know what’s okay on my part either.”

“So we’re both stepping around each other.” With a groan, he said, “We’re ridiculous.”

“Sounds about right.” Mark reached up to smooth down a piece of Tom’s hair that was tickling his nose, “I don’t want you to feel unsafe around me. Do whatever you want, man. I thought we lost all boundaries on our first tour together.”

“I don’t feel unsafe. I feel pretty damn safe right now.” He ran his hand up and down Mark’s back and the man in question had to suppress a shiver.

“Good.” He smiled and closed his eyes, finally feeling tired.

Tom’s voice was small and muffled when he said, “Love you, man.” 

“Love you, too.” Mark patted the top of his head sarcastically and they giggled in the dark like kids.

Not too long after, the grip Tom had on him loosened and his breathing went steady. Even when they didn’t know each other all that much, Mark always waited for him to fall asleep before he did. He wasn’t sure why exactly. He just... did.

...

Things were going smoothly. Until they were doing an interview in Detroit that was reportedly for a local channel to promote the show but soon, it seemed, someone on set had an ulterior motive. The crowd wasn’t that big - just a few fans, maybe a couple of screaming girls - but it felt like they were doing a halftime show at the super bowl when the interviewer popped the next question.

“So there’s a big rumor going around about you and some guy making out in Salt Lake City.” He read off of a paper before making eye contact with the band, a plastic smile on his face, “Care to address it?”

“That’s seriously going around?” Tom said.

Before the interviewer could respond or before Tom could totally ruin it for himself, Mark said, “God, can’t even french my own bandmates these days!”

The panic they all felt was still there but the accusing moment was gone. Mark laughed along with the crowd and sent a look to both Tom and Travis to let them know it was okay. The looks he was given back seemed to only believe him halfway.

“You all...” he gestured to the three of them, “kiss each other?”

“Well, how I see it, is that when you come home to your girl, right? You’re all out of practice.” Tom leaned back in his chair, cool as ever, “It’s not cheating if it’s with your best friend.”

When they were escorted off set after the interview, Tom fully freaked out. Like pulling hair, kicking couches, face red from holding back tears kinda freaked out. Travis and Mark just watched not really sure what to do other than to give him a space to let it out. 

He stared at the wall, back to his bandmates, “I’m gonna come out. Publicly.”

“Tom-“

“Absolutely not.” Travis cut him off, “You are not going to do that just because you think it’ll get people off your back. You should do it when you’re comfortable enough or when you want to. Not when some dipshit who listens to rumors does.”

“It wasn’t a rumor!” He shot back at Travis, turning around, “In Utah, a guy asked me if he could buy me a drink and we - we ended up making out just outside of the bar where _anyone_ could’ve fucking seen - and I - _fuck_!”

He ignored the outburst, “That’s your own personal life. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.”

“I wasn’t careful.” He sat between them on the couch, “I should’ve been more careful.”

Mark put his hand on Tom’s back, “It’s like you said before, man. You’re still getting used to it.”

“Yeah.” He sighed, “I think I’m gonna stop... that. I mean, at least with strangers. People I trust are different but obviously, I can’t trust people I don’t know.”

“See, that’s smart.” Travis ruffled his hair and Tom smiled, pushing him halfheartedly.

He stood back up, “You guys aren’t supposed to be this nice.” 

“Well tough shit,” Mark said.

“Tough shit.” He repeated, “Alright. No more boys. House rules.”

...

“So.” Mark flapped a hand at Tom, looking over at him. They were on the floor again, this time listening to the radio through a shitty hotel alarm clock, “What’s it like?”

His eyes went wide, “What’s... what like?”

“Boys. Kissing boys.” 

He forgot to mention the fact they'd had a few drinks.

“God,” Tom looked somewhere in the distance, a dazed look on his face, “It’s great. It’s like kissing girls but it’s like... different.”

“Different how?” Mark asked.

He’d been picking Tom’s brain all night after he got the okay from him to ask literally anything that came to mind. And Mark was confused and he just - he had to know.

“Oh, it’s like...” His hand froze in a gesture and he huffed, letting it fall to his lap, “Like when you kiss girls, right? It’s all soft and plump and they smell all fruity and stuff,

right?”

Mark nodded. He knew very well what it was like.

“Well, with boys it’s like the opposite.” He explained, “They don’t have boobs so you’re hand just kinda rests on their chest or - or I really like to wrap my arms around their shoulders. If we’re the same height. Usually, I’m taller. And - and when I’m taller - God.”

“What?” Mark smiled, scooting closer like they were sharing a secret.

And they were sort of.

“You lean down and they sort of push up to meet you halfway... Usually the guys I’ve kissed smelled pretty good. Like trees or rain or that old spice deodorant that you like.” He paused as if he’d said too much but when Mark just stared back, entranced, he continued, “Boys are a lot more passionate. And warmer.”

“Warmer? Weird.” 

“Right?” He chuckled, his face a buzzed pink, “I like it when you touch their face and your thumb catches on their stubble or - or when you feel it when you kiss them.”

“Yeah. It totally sounds like the opposite of girls.” He snickered.

Tom’s smile was soft, “That’s why I love it, dude. They’re so different.”

They just sort of stared at each other for a second before Mark said, “That’s... so you really like dudes. Not that you like dudes because they’re similar to girls but because they’re dudes.”

“Sums it up.” He stretched and cracked his back, “I like girls because they’re soft and thoughtful and... round.”

Tom made a motion like he was squeezing a pair of boobs and Mark burst into laughter.

“But - but I like boys for the opposite reasons.” He spoke over him, “They’re hard and a little dumb and rough.”

“A little dumb?”

“Like... endearingly.” He explained, “Kind of like how you took a bite out of a fake doughnut and didn’t realize until Travis told you.”

Mark nodded, “Okay, I see your point.” 

There was an implication in what Tom had said but Mark refused to acknowledge it. At least right then. He could analyze it in the shower later like he always did.

“So yeah.” He shrugged.

“Boys,” Mark said.

Tom giggled, “Boys!”

...

Mark tried to sleep on the drive to the next venue but his mind was once again a fucking mess. He had the My Bloody Valentine CD in and couldn’t stop thinking about that night where they listened to it. Or that night Tom told him how exactly he liked dudes. Or any other moment. He’d tried to talk to Travis about how he was feeling but every time, he couldn’t find the words and left feeling worse. 

In short, Mark was confused.

There were three big questions he couldn’t get out of his head:

1\. Did he like dudes?  
2\. Did he like a dude in particular?  
3\. What prompted these questions?

It was driving him mad. But maybe he just had to... to test it. Experiment. That’s what all the chicks did in movies. Maybe he could do that. Maybe not to the extent of sleeping with someone or making out with someone but maybe just... in his head. Test it out.

He looked out the window and watched a group of girls walking by, staring at the line of buses as they drove past. They were pretty and one even waved at them, jumping up and down. She was hot.

At a stoplight, there was a guy on his skateboard. He was shirtless, tattooed, and dark-haired. He stopped at the red crosswalk sign and looked up at the bus, too. The dude carded a hand through his hair and - just for the hell of it - Mark waved at him. He smiled and waved back, disappearing behind him as the bus rolled forward. Mark took his earbuds out and pressed his palms to his eyes. 

He was hot.

But maybe - maybe it was just that guy. Every time they stopped and a dude was within eyesight, Mark tried to find things he wasn’t attracted to but of fucking course they were in the part of town where skaters were fucking bred it seemed like so all of them were nice on the eyes. But then he just felt weird objectifying random dudes so he sat and closed his eyes, turning his music all the way up until it hurt to listen to it.

When he opened them, he nearly jumped off the couch. Tom was standing in front of him and when he realized Mark was awake, he grinned.

“Hey, man. We’re almost there.” He sat down next to Mark, “Sleeping?”

“Trying to.” He replied.

But Tom wasn’t born yesterday so he asked, “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, man. Just tired.” He looked around. “Where’s Travis?”

“In his bunk.” Tom rolled his eyes, “Fucker can sleep through anything.”

Mark wished he could say the same.

...

Mark stood in the corner at a house party, scanning over the crowd. They didn’t usually go to parties while on tour because most of the time, they didn’t stay in a place long enough to but everything had worked out in its favor. They were staying the night in town before a show the next day, Travis knew a girl he went to school with was having a ‘get together’, and she invited Tom and Mark to come along if they wanted. 

It was pretty great, actually. The house was pretty big and there was plenty of food and drinks to go around. From what he could remember, Travis said she was the daughter of some CEO. Apparently, her mom got lucky with some beauty company, he didn’t know. But the best part was that no one knew him or cared to know him. He’d gotten a couple of double-takes and a few confused looks but mostly people passed him without much thought. And that was the best part.

He got up from his spot to venture to the kitchen where people were playing beer pong and talking about some local college sports team losing the night before. Something was comforting in not knowing what the fuck was going on.

A hand fell on his shoulder and he turned around cautiously to see a Kurt Cobain lookalike staring back at him, “I know you.”

“What?”

Well, there went the anonymity.

“Yeah! Yeah, I rang you up at 7/11 and we talked about 80s goth bands.” He smiled.

Mark blanked for a second until he remembered. It had been late as fuck at night and he ventured into the closest 7/11 to buy a bag of chips and take a piss. The Cure had come on the radio and when he went to check out, the guy at the desk had been singing along. He remembered Tom and Travis getting on his ass for taking so long.

“Oh! Hey!” Mark smiled back, “Wow, small world.”

“For real!” He stuck out his hand, “Never did introduce myself, my name’s Mark.”

“You’re kidding.” He chuckled, “ _My_ name is Mark.”

“Excellent taste in names.” He teased, “If it helps, you can call me Markus. That’s my full name.”

“Yeah. Well, it’s cool to finally meet you, Markus.” 

He just kept grinning, “Did you want more beer, man?”

“Oh, um, I was just probably gonna snag a bottle of water.” He admitted and watched Markus reach into the fridge and get him one, “Thanks.”

“No problem. I’m trying not to drink too much lately, too.” He leaned in to show Mark the content of his cup, “Sunny D is like gold on the tongue, man.”

This guy was definitely a stoner. It was... endearing.

“Anyway, what brings you to Chelsea’s?” Markus leaned against the counter, tucking a piece of blonde hair behind his ear.

Mark opened the bottle of water, “Oh, a buddy of mine used to go to school with her and she said he could invite whoever he wanted.”

“And where’s he at?” He took a sip out of his cup.

He shrugged, “Probably with Chelsea.”

“Makes sense. She’s awful pretty but not my type. We went to cosmetology school together, that’s how we met. She does nails, I do hair.” 

“Really? That’s cool.” He said earnestly, “Did you do your hair?”

“I cut it! This is actually my natural hair color. Everyone thinks I’m lying when I say it but...” Markus shrugged, “Don’t have to bleach it if I wanna dye it a cool color.”

“I’ve dyed it blonde and blue before.” Mark sort of ran a hand over his hair, “I used to dye it all the time when I was younger. And my best friend, he was always too nervous to do his own so he always made me do it.”

“That’s sweet. Bleach or color?”

“Both. One time we had matching hair.” He snickered, “It was so bad. We got shit for it for weeks.”

“I can only imagine.” He said and watched someone walk behind Mark, pushing him forward toward Markus, “Wanna go someplace where there are fewer drunk dudes?”

He laughed, a bit on the nervous side, “Maybe.”

“Come on.” He waved for Mark to follow, “Chelsea’s got a cool ass house, let me show you.”

The two of them brushed past the crowd on the main floor and headed down a flight of stairs to the lower level. It wasn’t exactly a basement because there were sliding glass doors to the backyard but it had the same slightly damp vibes as one. Mark watched Markus stop in front of a door, look under a mat, and pull out a key.

Up until then, he hadn’t realized the darkened windows to the left of him leading to a pool. A fucking pool. 

“She keeps it locked during parties since people don’t tend to respect it.” He said and put the key under the mat, opening the door, “After you, Mark.”

“Thanks, Mark.” He replied and smiled when Markus groaned.

The lights in the pool were on but the overhead lights weren’t, creating an otherworldly glow in the room. It cast blue water ripples onto the walls and ceiling, feeling as if the whole room was underwater. When Mark looked over, Markus was staring down at the water, the water reflecting onto him. He really did look like a grunge dude with long hair and baggy clothes and a calm smile. Markus looked up and caught Mark staring but didn’t ask him what was up. Instead, he just smiled and pushed his hair back.

He started kicking off his shoes and rolling up his pants, “I’m gonna put my feet in. It would be cool to actually swim but it wouldn’t be fair to the rest of the people, y’know?”

“I guess,” Mark said and did the same, sitting on the edge next to Markus.

The water was really warm. Warmer than he expected, anyway. He watched the water ripple as he moved his leg. It made the reflections move more. It was entrancing.

“So are you in town long?” Markus asked, moving to lean back on his hand.

Their fingers were really close together. He swallowed, “No. I’m... actually just visiting. I’m from Cali.”

“Oh wow. That’s far as fuck. How’d you get all the way to Florida?” 

“I’m following a small band on tour.” He said. It wasn’t exactly a full lie.

Markus left it at that, though, “Must be some band.”

“Yeah.”

It was sort of perfect, how this was going. If Markus was a chick, they’d totally be making out. Or... or maybe if he wasn’t a chick. And he wasn’t. It was just - Markus didn’t know who he was unlike the staff at venues or gay fans that might spread the word that they sucked face with Blink’s bassist. 

Well, he thought, what was the worst that could happen?

“Sorry if I’m totally reading this wrong but are you just being friendly or...?” He cleared his throat, hoping he wouldn’t get hatecrimed and totally ruin the party.

Markus grimaced and sort of caved in on himself, shrugging. When he looked over, the smile on his face was guilty, “You caught me.”

“Oh.” Mark sighed, “Okay, I just - I didn’t wanna keep going and think - think that...”

“No, I get you.” He chuckled, “Honestly, I was worried you’d deck me.”

“What!” He stared at him, incredulous, “I was worried that you were gonna, I don’t know, push me into the pool.”

“No! I wouldn’t do that regardless if I was straight. Rude as hell.” Markus shook his head, “I’m just glad to know you aren’t.”

Mark picked at his jeans, “Can I be real with you, Markus?”

“Yeah, sure, man.” He sat up.

“I’ve been questioning... if I’m not straight for a while.” He admitted, “ _Shit_ , that’s the first time I’ve ever said that.”

“Oh, wow.” Markus said, “I honestly thought you were out. You just... had those vibes.”

“I had those vibes.” He laughed through his nose, “Shit.”

“Hey! Not a bad thing. Here,” he turned to face Mark and he mirrored Markus, “What are you confused about?”

“I don’t think I’m confused. I think I know that I... like dudes. It’s just the whole... accepting it part. Did you ever go through that?”

“Oh yeah.” Markus laughed, “You have no idea. I used to think of reasons to not like dudes but only find more reasons why I was attracted to them.”

“God, are you reading my mind?” He groaned, “I was testing to see if I actually liked them a few days ago because I couldn’t just like - go out and experiment with strangers.”

“Well, why not? It’s weird at first but it does answer some questions. At least for me, it did.” Markus’s hand touched his.

Mark looked from their hands to his face and the understanding look on it, “Are you... offering?”

“You’ll never see me again.” He assured him, “Unless you’d like to, of course, I wouldn’t be opposed. You’re a handsome man, Mark.”

Fucking hell, his face felt hot, “Um. Thanks.”

“So, yeah. I’m offering.” He nodded.

“Okay.” He took in a breath, “So... I’m gonna kiss you if that’s alright.”

“Yeah.” Markus nodded again.

“Okay.” He repeated in a whisper.

He started to lean forward and Markus closed his eyes. He was doing this. He was really doing this. He pushed back the fear and the doubt and did what he did when he kissed girls. He reached up and cupped Markus’ cheek and kissed him. 

And it was different. Markus was warm and soft but sharp around the edges. He tasted like Sunny D and smelled like ocean-inspired cologne and when Mark moved his thumb, it caught on his stubble. It was... just like it was described to him but there was something Tom had left out. How it made him feel.

He felt hot and dizzy and not in a way that meant he was turned on or anything. And when Markus pushed up, his hand coming to rest on the back of Mark’s neck, all the tension in his body bled out. It felt like they had kissed for a long time when Mark eventually broke away.

Markus squeezed his shoulder and Mark opened his eyes, “So?”

“You’re a great kisser,” Mark said.

That made him laugh, “You’re sweet, Mark. But how do you feel?”

After a moment to ponder, he said “I think this is the first time in a while where I haven’t been confused.” 

“I’m glad to hear it.” He stood up and helped Mark to his feet, too, “Let’s get you back to the party.”

...

It was raining in New York. It rained like the whole fucking time. It wasn’t just rain; it was a storm. It was never-ending and strong as fuck. After the show, Mark stood outside under an awning and watched it. The raindrops were thick and cold and even though it was summer, he could see his breath.

It wasn’t long until Tom popped out from behind the door, happy as even when he found Mark, “Was just looking for you.”

“Sorry. I’m just watching the rain.” He uncrossed his arms, leaning against the brick wall.

“It’s been raining since we got here.” He said even though Mark knew that, “Now are you gonna tell me what’s up, or do I have to pry it out of you.”

Mark blinked, “What?”

“Something’s been up with you since we were in Florida. You’re all distant and shit.” He explained, “You didn’t go off your meds again, did you?”

“No, Tom. Jesus.” He huffed.

He threw his hands up, “Sorry.”

Mark was being ridiculous, he knew it. And Tom of all people would understand. He ran his hands over his face and turned to Tom.

“In Florida... at the party. I met this guy and we - we kissed.” He decided to be blunt.

Tom looked at him for a long moment, his expression blank. Mark looked away, unsure of what to do.

“You kissed a guy?” He asked, “Why - why would you do that?”

This must’ve been how Tom felt when he came out to the band, “I just wanted to see if I - if I liked it.”

“Did - did you?” 

Mark rubbed his cheek, embarrassed, “Yeah.”

“Oh.” He looked out toward the rain, “ _Wow_.”

Mark chuckled but it was weak at best, “Yeah.”

Not too long after, Tom asked, “So are you like... bisexual?” 

With a shrug, he said, “I think so.”

“Oh, wow.” Tom ran a hand through his hair, “ _Shit_ , Mark. Why didn’t you ever tell me, man? It sucked to watch you be all mopey and shit.”

“I wanted to figure it out for myself, y'know? I just wanted to see if it was actually something I was into. It’s... it’s kind of embarrassing to talk to people about.” 

“You talked to me. Shit, I told you in detail what it was like to kiss dudes.” The gears in his head seemed to be turning, “And I didn’t think to ask why you wanted to know.”

“Oops?” He shrugged.

“I’m not upset.” He reassured Mark, facing him again, “Not even a little bit. I’m just glad you told me.”

“I’m glad you’re glad.” He smiled and the punch to the arm was well deserved.

“You’re a bitch.” Tom told him and then immediately hugged him after.

“Your bitch.” Mark corrected and hugged him back.

He snorted and pulled back, smiling at him from arm’s length, “Look at us. A couple of bi guys.”

Mark pushed him away gently, “Please don’t ever say that again, for the love of God.”

“Fine. Are you going to tell Travis?”

“Yeah. I’m sure he won’t care if I told him over dinner tonight?”

Tom shook his head, “He’ll probably be like ‘cool, pass the salt?’”

Mark followed Tom back into the building, “After having gone through it once, definitely.”

...

It was in Texas when Mark had the revelation. They were on stage, doing their usual bullshit banter back and forth when the lights went out for the next song. And Mark knew they had cool pink and purple lighting but he didn’t realize how he’d feel when he saw them light up his best friend.

It was sort of how the pool reflection made Markus look otherworldly but this time it was Tom. He looked... nice. He was sweaty from the show so far and the lights made him shine. He was grinning as he sang, his hair falling into his face. Even during a crisis, Mark could play and smiled right back when Tom looked over at him. 

It went like that for the majority of the show. Mark would catch a glimpse of Tom and think to himself ‘shit that’s my best friend’ usually preceded by ‘wow he’s hot.’ This... this was a new problem. But at the same time, he could think some dudes were hot and not be attracted to them. Like Travis was incredibly easy on the eyes but Mark didn’t wanna like make out with him on the hotel floor while they listened to the Cure and oh _God_ he was in love with Tom.

“Oh, God,” Mark said aloud.

“What? Taco Bell isn’t that bad.” Tom replied and pushed his soft taco toward him, “Now eat before I make you.”

He shook his head and remembered where he was. Right. Taco Bell. Travis was sitting next to him and Tom was across from him. He got two hard shell tacos and a soft one. He was sharing a large Pepsi with Tom and Travis had stolen his sauce. 

“Fuck, alright.” He mumbled and unwrapped his second taco of the night.

“Zoning out or something?” Travis asked.

“Yeah. I’m just a little tired.” He said, “Good show.”

“I don’t even remember half of the bullshit we talked about,” Tom admitted, shoving some lettuce back into his mouth.

“Dogs.” Travis groaned, “And not in a fun way.”

“Sounds about right. I think I made a few jokes about blowing someone’s dad.” Mark shrugged a shoulder.

“Be careful which dad you blow because you might accidentally become a mother fucker.” Tom winked at him.

Mark kicked at him from under the table, “Look, she had a mustache, it was confusing.” 

“You’re terrible.” He replied with a laugh and then promptly choked on a bean.

“Karma,” Travis said and Mark nudged him as a quiet thanks for being on his side.

After Taco Bell, it was back to the hotel. Mark went straight to his room, true to his word on being tired. He showered and got in bed, nearly asleep by the time there was a knock at his door. He had the do not disturb sign on the handle but it was really fucking early for housekeeping. With a groan, he pulled back the covers and went to go see who it was.

“Hey, Mark.” Tom said, “Nice shirt.”

He looked down and realized it was one of Tom’s. Even in a subconscious way, he liked Tom. Their bags could’ve gotten mixed up, sure, but he blamed whatever higher being there was on it. On everything.

“What’s up, dude?” He squinted against the light of the hallway, “It’s early.”

“I know. You just didn’t stop by my room.” He explained.

“Okay?”

“And you usually do. Every night. And you have. All tour.” He looked almost shy. It was fucking weird, “Were you sleeping?”

“Nearly.” He yawned, “Get in here, it’s too bright.”

He closed the door behind Tom and waited for him to say something but he just stood there with Mark’s Discman in his hands.

“Now I can’t see.” He said and Mark rolled his eyes.

He grabbed Tom by the elbow and pushed him down onto the bed so he was sitting. Mark reached over to the bedside lamp and turned it on, only to see Tom looking a little scared lying on the bed.

“I thought something different was about to go down for a second.” He said and sat up, “I thought we could listen to music for a bit. We haven’t even gone through half of my CDs that I bought at the start of the tour.”

“Yeah, I guess I can stay up for a bit.” He got on the floor with Tom and took an earbud, “What’d you bring?”

“The Cure?” He had that weird bashful look on his face again.

“Is it Disintegration?” Mark asked, lying down next to him, eyes on the ceiling.

He seemed to be staring at a lot of ceilings recently.

“It is, yeah,” Tom replied and pressed play.

He wasn’t exactly sure when he’d closed his eyes or when he’d fallen asleep but it hadn’t been for very long because the album was still playing. Tom was on his side curled up next to him. It always ended up this way with either one of both of them asleep in a room that wasn’t their own. They might as well cut back on costs and start sharing rooms. But that would... that would look weird.

Mark rolled over, too, and allowed himself to look. There was nothing wrong with looking if he got caught. 

Tom was somewhere in the middle of sharp and soft. When he described being with dudes, he said they weren’t soft like girls were but he was a hypocrite just by existing. Like sure he had the stubble and the cologne and all that jazz but he always looked so... soft. Warm. The word inviting came to mind. His hair and his lips especially looked soft. Subconsciously, he reached out to smooth down a piece of Tom’s hair and when he realized what he was doing, it was too late.

He waited for Tom to stir or open his eyes but he just kept on sleeping. Instead of kissing him full on like he wanted to, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead, his hair tickling Mark’s face. When he pulled back, Tom was well awake and staring at him. He froze.

“Mark,” he said. It wasn’t a question. It was more or less to say his name.

There was a weird moment of Tom looking him over before his eyes landed on the bottom half of Mark’s face and he’d just about had it at that point. With all consequences pushed to the back of his mind, Mark leaned forward again and kissed Tom. When he pulled away, he was about to apologize, find something to blame it on, but Tom grabbed him and pulled him in for a second kiss. He sort of held Mark in place as if he was scared of him letting go. He reached up and touched Tom’s chest as a result, just to let him know he wasn’t going anywhere.

He was right about Tom being a sharp kind of soft. His face and lips were definitely fucking soft and he tasted like mint toothpaste. This was so unlike kissing that dude at that party. This was Tom. Someone familiar. Someone he’d known for forever but never in the way he was getting to know him tonight. 

Mark was the one to break away, resting his forehead against Tom’s.

“So,” Tom said, “that just happened.”

“It did.”

“Do you wanna, um, talk about it?” His hand brushed over Mark’s cheek and he had to shut his eyes so he could keep his cool.

Mark managed to get out, “I like you, Tom. A lot.”

“Oh, wow. Sorry, it’s just... this is not the way I thought this would go in my head.” He giggled, “I thought it would be some romantic moment and we just made out on a hotel floor.”

“It’s pretty ‘us’ though, isn’t it?” He smiled.

“It is. And I like you, too, Mark.” His voice grew quiet, “Can we kiss again?”

“God, yeah.” Mark went in for the kiss again but this time Tom sort of leaned over him to get a better angle, the hand that wasn’t holding himself up in Mark’s hair, “Tom - _Tom_ , hold on.”

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“We have - this is still new to me. _So_ fucking new.” He said, “You gotta take it slow for me.”

“Slow. Yeah. I can do that.” He sat back and let Mark sit up on his knees, “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He smoothed his clothes out. Tom’s lips were red and his cheeks a similar shade. Mark honestly couldn’t believe that just happened, “You’re... _wow_.”

“I’m wow?” He asked, “Speak for yourself.”

“We’re wow then.” Mark settled and Tom glared at him.

He rose to his feet and helped Mark do the same, looking around the room awkwardly, “Um. Is it cool if I stayed? Like last time.”

“Aww. Tom wants to cuddle.” Mark made grabby hands at him and laughed when he was swatted at.

“You’re an asshole, Mark Hoppus!” He shouted when Mark jabbed a hand at his side, “Fucker! And to think I was gonna let you be the little spoon.”

“Why didn’t you say so?” He stopped like nothing had happened and crawled into his unmade bed, Tom not far behind with a pout.

Just for the hell of it, Mark kissed that look off of his face. Tom hummed, eyes still closed when Mark pulled away, “Man, I am never gonna get used to that.”

“I’ll let you get used to it if you let me.” He reached over and turned the bedside lamp off.

“Dude. Mark. Of course.” Tom said, reaching for him in the dark.

“Nice.” He said because it was and sighed when Tom put his arm around him, resting his chin on top of his head, “Good night.”

“Nighty night, Mark.”

He’d just kissed his best friend while listening to The Cure and instead of getting rejected, he gained a boyfriend of sorts. Life was fucking weird.

...

Travis took it well.

“Hold on. Like...” he gestured between them, “you two? Together?”

“Yeah.” Mark nodded.

“Huh.” He sat back, “Y’know way back I thought maybe you guys had something.”

“You what.” Tom stared at him.

“Yeah, well, you guys just...” he shrugged, “you’re you.”

“I’m gonna pretend I know what that means.” Tom took in a breath, “Well. Glad that went well.”

Travis rolled his eyes, “What do you want me to say? Ew, get out of my face?”

“Seems tame. Try-“

“Or maybe we could appreciate the fact he’s being so chill with it.” He cut Mark off with a look that screamed ‘what the fuck are you doing.’

“Or that.” He corrected himself.

Travis was watching them with mild annoyance, “I’m surprised I never noticed before. You guys bicker like you’re married.” 

“Shut up, Travis.” They told him in unison.

...

They decided to let the press talk. They wouldn’t deny anything but they wouldn’t confirm anything either. Interviews got ambiguous and weird, especially when they asked questions like “are you two dating” when Mark was holding Tom’s hand and one of them replied ‘I’m not actually sure.’

The affection thing was new but it wasn’t too terribly new. They’d been jokingly affectionate in the past or pretended to cuddle (but actually liked it) but this time there was intent behind it. Tom was holding his hand because he wanted to not because he was being a dick. 

And there was this new thing Tom had been doing recently that was driving him fucking crazy. They’d gotten over the weirdness of being ‘lovey dovey’ like Travis had said and progressed onto just being so sweet it was gross. But Tom would just sort of run his hands through Mark’s hair and smile at him like he was the 8th wonder of the world. 

“What are you thinking?” Mark asked in a whisper.

They were in Mark’s hotel room, lying on his bed. Tom was sitting up on his elbow so he could look down at him.

Mark’s question made him blush and try to hide his face but there was nothing he could hide it with, “You.”

“Figured that much.” He teased, “Tell me.”

“What if it’s gross?” Tom said quietly.

“We’ve written so many disgusting songs, at this point you’d have to kill a man in front of me for me to be grossed out,” Mark told him.

“You really say whatever comes to your mind, huh.” He sighed and let his head fall so they were at eye level, “I don’t know. I just think you’re... pretty.”

“ _Pretty_?” He laughed.

“Well, it’s weird if I say your eyes are handsome.” Tom reached up and sort of brushed his fingers along Mark’s jaw, “So yeah. _Pretty_. Deal with it.”

“Whatever. You’re awful pretty yourself, y’know?” 

“Don’t turn this back on me.” He scowled.

“I’m not!” Mark laughed and brushed the small fringe Tom was growing out away from his face, “I really think that. You always look so damn soft.”

“I’m not soft.”

“You are. You bought me flowers on our one week anniversary.” He deadpanned.

He huffed, “But they were your favorite and they were on sale.”

“You’re just proving my point.” He poked at him playfully, “But they were my favorite.”

“Ugh.” Tom groaned, sitting up to lean over Mark, “If I kiss you will you shut up?”

“Hmm. Worth a shot.”

“God, you’re so fucking annoying.” He mumbled and kissed Mark hard on the lips.

...

“This tour has been long as fuck-“

“Almost as long as my-“

Mark cut Tom off, “But it’s also been fun as fuck.”

“That too. But I still think-“

“If you try to compare our tour to your dick again, Tom, I will hit you with this bass.” Mark deadpanned.

“Almost as long as my dick.” He snickered.

He sighed, long and miserable into the mic, “Don’t let him fool you, his dick isn’t four months long.”

“How would you know?” Tom looked over at him, a smirk on his face, “You’ve never seen it long enough to count.”

“We’ll stop by my hotel room after this and I’ll make sure to count.” He said and the crowd went fucking _wild_ , “Anyway! I’m gonna get fucking gross for a second so shut the fuck up!”

“Yeah, shut up!”

“That includes you.” He teased and looked back at the crowd, the faint shadows of people beyond the blinding lights, “Been four months of nonstop amazing nights both on stage and off, right, Tom?”

He pretended to be shy, “I thought I wasn’t allowed to talk.”

“Do you see how fucking annoying he is? You know what, forget my sappy little speech about how I love the fans and shit - this guy, right? Can’t have a single serious moment with him. I tried to tell him I loved him the other day and he told me to kiss his ass.” 

It was true.

Tom nodded, “And he did kiss my ass. I thought the added tongue was a nice surprise.” 

Mark laughed, “See?”

“Oh, _come_ on. I’m not _that_ bad.” He drawled, “I love you, Mark.”

“Are you fucking-“ He laughed, looking down and shaking his head before he replied in an affectionate tone, “I love you, Tom.”

“Aww! See we love each other!” He yelled, pointing at the crowd.

“And we love you! This song is our last one of the night.” He said and Tom began playing the opening riff to Dammit.

Halfway through the song, Tom’s backing vocals tapped out and when he looked over, Tom was approaching him with a smile on his face. Mark kept on singing even when Tom put his head on Mark’s shoulder and _kissed_ his _cheek_. He was being touchy and fucking annoying as per usual but it wasn’t anything Mark couldn’t ignore.

“You’re getting bold on stage,” Travis told them.

“You mean Tom is.” Mark wiped the sweat off of his face with a towel.

“He may have been kissing you but I’m pretty sure you offered to look at his dick?” He laughed, “I’ve stopped questioning what goes through your heads.”

“For the best.” Tom smiled.

...

Tom actually did stop by Mark’s hotel room but with more CDs and a box of Mark’s favorite candy. He kept getting Mark things randomly and pretending it wasn’t a big deal but it _was_. Well, to him anyway. No one really went out of their way to get something for him that they knew he liked on days other than Christmas.

Mark was drying his hands in the bathroom when he decided to admit, “Hey so now that we’re dating, I think I should tell you that I wrote M+M’s about-“

Tom was completely naked.

“About... oh. Um. Oh, _wow_.” He said, suddenly nervous and hot all over. Mark breathed out, “ _Wow_ , Tom.”

“Come here.” He said. It was probably hard for him to ignore Mark’s utter idiocy. Tom smiled and put his hands on his shoulders when he got close enough, “What’s this about M+M’s?”

“It’s - I wrote it about you. Didn’t realize it until recently but - yeah.” He couldn’t look at Tom’s face but he sure as hell couldn’t look down so he compromised and looked at his chest.

“You threw in that last ‘girlfriend’ to make it about a girl, right?” His hands wandered to Mark’s neck and arms.

“I used some of the times we hung out as an inspiration for it. Cause I thought if you were a girl it would be romantic. Surprised I - I never realized.” He swallowed.

Tom caught his eye, “All those road trips with me got you all hot and bothered?”

That made Mark laugh, “Oh my God. I guess so.”

“And... are you hot and bothered now?” He asked.

Mark took in a sharp breath, “I, um. I’m hot and I’m getting close to bothered.”

He had this easy smile on his face. It wasn’t fucking fair, “Good enough for me.”

“Shit.” He said under his breath, “You wanna kill me.”

“To some degree, I think I already have.” 

They’d go home after that last night at the hotel. Fly home and figure out whose house they were going to share. It was a constant battle because Mark had a hot tub but Tom had a nice backyard, shit like that. There were many firsts they experienced together. Mark had lived with girlfriends together and so had Tom but they were never best friends with them before they got together. Mark wondered if it was normal for one person to make him feel the way Tom did. And even if it wasn’t, they were pretty weird anyway. A little weird never hurt anyone. Except for Tom, maybe.

“Fucker - I think you might actually be a vampire.” Mark pushed gently at Tom on top of him.

He kissed the spot on Mark’s neck where he’d just bitten him, “Sorry.”

“Or Hannibal.” Mark breathed.

Tom glared down at him, “That earns you another bite.” 

“No - fuck! Tom!” Mark laughed.

It was gonna be a long night.


End file.
